The Lonely Wolf: Navigating Friends, Alcohol, and Social Pressure While Fasting

By Connor with Honor

Medical Disclaimer: The following article discusses lifestyle changes regarding alcohol and diet. It is not medical advice. If you struggle with substance abuse, please seek professional help.

Introduction: The "Crabs in a Bucket" Mentality

When you are fat, you fit in. When you are eating nachos and drinking beer at the bar, you are "one of the guys." You are safe. You make other people feel comfortable about their own bad choices.

But the moment you decide to change—the moment you push away the plate and put down the glass—you become a mirror. Your discipline reflects their lack of it. And people do not like that.

There is a concept called "Crabs in a Bucket." If you put a single crab in a bucket, it can easily climb out. But if you put a bunch of crabs in, the moment one tries to escape, the others will grab it and pull it back down. They will literally tear it apart rather than let it succeed.

Fasting is your attempt to climb out of the bucket. And you need to be prepared for the claws that will try to pull you back down. This article is about the social warfare of getting fit: how to handle friends, how to quit the poison of alcohol, and how to stand alone when everyone else is feasting.

Part 1: "Pick Your Friends Wisely" – The Officer Howe Lesson

When I was a young rookie on the LAPD, fresh-faced at 21 in the North Hollywood Division, I had a Training Officer named Howe. He used to call me "Horsefly." He told me something I never forgot, though I didn't listen to it at the time. He said, "Horsefly, pick and choose your friends wisely."

I didn't listen. I hung out with the people who liked to do what I liked to do: eat and drink. We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. If your five best friends are obese, inactive, and constantly eating garbage, guess what? You are going to be the sixth.

It is very hard to be the fat guy hanging out with fit people. But it is even harder to be the disciplined guy hanging out with people who want to party. When I started this journey to torch 135 pounds, I had to look at my circle. I realized that I couldn't hang out in the same places with the same people and expect a different result.

You might have to distance yourself from the "enablers." The people who say, "Oh come on, one drink won't hurt," or "You're no fun anymore since you stopped eating." Those people are not your friends. They are anchors. Cut the chain.

Part 2: The Alcohol Trap – My Last Day

Alcohol is the ultimate saboteur of weight loss. It is not just the empty calories (though there are plenty). It is what alcohol does to your inhibition. You might have iron willpower when you are sober. But after two drinks? Suddenly that pizza looks like a great idea. Suddenly, the fast doesn't matter.

I was never the guy who hit "rock bottom." I didn't get a DUI. I didn't lose my job. I didn't wake up in a gutter. But I was drinking. A lot. It was consistent. It was the "moderation" trap. Moderation does not work for me. I realized that alcohol is a poison. There is no safe amount. It stops fat burning immediately because your liver has to prioritize filtering the toxin (alcohol) over burning fat.

The Day I Quit I quit drinking on June 21, 2023. I remember the moment clearly. I was at a restaurant called Sabor. I told the waiter, who knew me well, "This is my last day." He looked at me like I had a gun to his head. He was shocked. He poured my drinks, and at the end of the night, he picked up the tab. He honored my decision. Because of his goodwill—because he treated that moment with respect—I knew I couldn't go back. I couldn't tarnish that memory by having a drink the next week. I haven't touched a drop since.

If you want to torch fat, you have to look at alcohol honestly. It is liquid sugar. It is estrogenic. It lowers your testosterone. It destroys your sleep. If you can't moderate it (and most of us can't), you need to eliminate it.

Part 3: The Social Scripts for Saying "No"

One of the hardest parts of fasting is the social pressure. You go to a dinner party. Everyone is eating. You are fasting. What do you do?

Strategy 1: The Sparkling Water Decoy If you are at a bar or a party, order sparkling water with a lime in a short glass. It looks like a vodka tonic. People will not ask you why you aren't drinking if you have a glass in your hand. It is a prop. It stops the questions.

Strategy 2: "I'm Good" vs. "I Can't" Never say, "I can't eat that." That sounds like deprivation. It invites people to try to convince you. "Oh, just one bite!" Instead, say, "I'm good." or "I'm full." or "I'm taking a break from heavy food today." These are statements of power. They shut down the negotiation.

Strategy 3: The "Medical" Excuse If people are really pushing you, pull the medical card. "My doctor has me on a specific protocol for my blood work. I have to stick to it strictly." Nobody argues with the doctor.

Part 4: The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Faster

I will be honest with you: Getting fit is lonely. When I was the "funny fat guy," I was the center of attention. I would embarrass myself to get a laugh. I was the life of the party because I was non-threatening. Now, I don't have to try as hard. I don't have to perform. But I also spend more time alone.

Fasting gives you a lot of time. You don't realize how much of your day is spent planning food, buying food, cooking food, eating food, and cleaning up food until you stop doing it. You will have hours of free time. If you don't fill that time with something productive—work, lifting, walking, reading—you will get bored. And boredom leads to the fridge.

Embrace the Solitude Use this time to work on your mind. Read books. Write in your journal. I have thousands of pages of journals from when I was fat. They were all the same: "I'll start tomorrow. I hate being fat." My journals now are different. They are about business. They are about the future. They are about ideas. The solitude of fasting is a gift. It is where you meet yourself.

Part 5: Family Dynamics – The "Food is Love" Trap

The hardest people to say "No" to are usually your parents or your spouse. Growing up, my mom showed love with food. If I was sad, she gave me a cookie. If we celebrated, we had a feast. Rejecting her food felt like rejecting her love.

You have to separate the two. You have to teach the people around you that you can receive their love without consuming their calories. Sit at the table with them. Drink your black coffee. Talk. Engage. Be present. Show them that your presence is the gift, not your gluttony.

If they get angry? That is their issue, not yours. Remember the dad who got mad because I ate all the food? Now, people might get mad because I eat none of it. You cannot please everyone. You have to please the man in the mirror.

Conclusion: The New Circle

As you change, your circle will change. You will lose friends. The drinking buddies will fade away because you are a reminder of what they are not doing. But you will gain new friends. You will attract people who are on the same path. People who respect discipline. People who want to live to be 200.

I am building a new community. A community of people who want to be "Code Fit." We are the wolves. We don't need the bucket of crabs.

Stand your ground. Put down the alcohol. Pick your friends wisely. And if you have to walk this path alone for a while, so be it. The view from the top is worth it.

In the next article, Article #10, we will wrap up this series with the tactical guide for the rest of your life: Maintenance, Lifestyle, and the "Never Go Back" Mindset.